Private Peace Treaty
October 12, 2002
By
Israel Shamir
The most recent massacre in the Holy Land, this time of fourteen
men, women and children near Gaza, was described by our Prime
Minister, General Sharon, as "a necessary and successful
operation". He also promised more of the same, and there is no
reason to doubt his word. There is no reason to doubt the
reprisals, promised by the relatives of the murdered folks,
either. This war will go forever, and an anonymous IDF colonel
advised the NY Times correspondent amidst ruins of Nablus that
'we are in the middle of Hundred Year War'. Thank you for the
good news!
An ancient Greek farmer, the main character of the funniest
comedy by Aristophanes, Acharnians, found himself in a similar
predicament. His country was run by a General Lamachus, an early
version of General Sharon, hell-bent on waging war of
domination. Tired of endless struggle, of ruined economy, of war
drums instead of music, of funerals instead of weddings, the
farmer-hero Dicaeopolis strikes a separate peace treaty with the
Spartans.
It makes a world of difference. On one end of the stage, the
General asks for more swords, on the other end, the Farmer calls
out for more sausages. I want a new system of air-to-air
missiles, bellows the general. Bring me more wine and blondes,
yells the Farmer. In the apotheosis, Dicaeopolis chairs a great
feast, while beaten up Lamachus heavily slumps down.
This solution, offered in 425 BC, is still valid. I signed a
separate peace treaty with all my neighbours in the Middle East.
As for me, Syrian children may come and swim in the Sea of
Galilee, and children of Palestine are welcome to amusement
parks of Tel Aviv, while I shall sip Lebanese arak at Bardaouni
in Ramallah. The refugees of Gaza may come back to the fields
they
owned before 1948, and deal directly with the few old Polish
Jews who "privatised" the lands.
Keep me out of it. In Israel, there are no more lands belonging
to all of us. Every strip of land, every drop of water was
carefully privatised. Now, let the happy new owners pay for
whatever they need, including new defence systems, the army
expenses, fences and other useful devices. Maybe when they 'll
see the bill they rather would opt for a new soft armchair and
separate peace.
This vast undoing of collective property and dismantling of
remnants of socialism should be completed. It is right time to
bring more hard-nosed neo-liberalism into daily use. While an
increasing number of unemployed Israelis took to stealing food
from public hospitals, the Army still gets what it wants anytime
it asks. This socialist easy-going approach should be stopped.
If generals want new aircraft, let them chip in and buy one, on
the free market, without government subsidies. Sharon can barter
his sheep for the bright new state-of-art toys from
Douglas-McDonnell. And if it would not suffice, I can offer him
the advice of my wise late grandmother: if you have no money, do
not buy arms.
The same advice could be given to our American friends and
allies. They calculated the war in Iraq will cost 800 billion
dollars. In my opinion, until the people of America will see at
least double this amount in ready cash produced up front by
Richard Perle and other Zionist warmonger agents of influence,
they should not bestir themselves. And do not take personal
cheques!
Even better advice: join Separate Peace, and if Sharon calls
upon you, reply him as I do:
"General, if you want war, please wage it personally. And do not
call us, we shall call you."
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